At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
