Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
