On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
