the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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