Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
