he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
