Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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