just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
