He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
