The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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