I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
