I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
