So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
