She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
