Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
