alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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