Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Holy shit dude........stairs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
