just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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