i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
