just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
