I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
