Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
