How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
