May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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