is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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