Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
