chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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