I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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