I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
