I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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