I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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