i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
