this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
