She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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