oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
