Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
