When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
