Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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