i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
