They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
