i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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