I faked an abortion last night.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
