You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
