I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
