so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
