well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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