If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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