are you still at the devil's house?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
