Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
