so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
