I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
