I wannas sexs uuuuu
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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