My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
