so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you made out with another girl for some wings
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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