Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
