yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
